Letting Go ... letting God

Church of the Ascension, Timoleague  

Have you ever been at your wits end?  Have you ever been in a situation that was completely desperate and you simply could not see any way out?  I suspect most of us have felt a bit like that at one time or another.  Maybe it was a health problem, or something to do with finances or to do with a relationship or some kind of depression.  We are at a total loss and so we do not know what to do.  And so what is often our very last resort?  That’s right, we call out to God to help us.  And what are our prayers like in these moments; are they gentle platitudes?  No they are from the very depths of our being, from (as the saying goes) ‘the bottom of our hearts’.  And so with our fists clenched and our stomach in knots and our teeth grinding we cry out to God…  And do you know what?  In these moments prayer seems to have a potency and a power way and above the norm, it is like when we are on our knees in our own personal Garden of Gethsemene that the heavens are torn open and we have direct access to the Throne of Grace.  We have at last made room for God and He is there before the first word has even been uttered from our trembling lips.  

In my Father's house...

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 35mm f2.8, Yellow Filter, Ilford FP4 plus, ISO 125

...there are many mansions. 

These words of Jesus (from John 14) have ever since they were first spoken, been a source of tremendous hope and encouragement to Christians down through the centuries.  No matter what this world and what this life throws at us we know that Jesus has prepared a home in heaven for all those who would seek to follow Him in this life. 

I continue to be amazed by this.  I know that I am not good enough to be called one of Jesus’ friends and I could write an endless list of reasons why I shouldn’t go to heaven.  I have every sympathy with the Apostle Paul when he said:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. (Romans 7:15)

Time and time again we become aware of the battle between what we know is the right thing to do and what we naturally want to do, the battle between “the flesh” and “the spirit”, often portrayed in cartoons as the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, each trying to win the mind of the person trapped in the middle! 

If the Apostle Paul struggled with this then we are in good company.  He goes on to say:

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! (v24, 25a)

Yes we inhabit “bodies of death” but thank God that we are rescued from them by what Jesus did for us on the cross. 

The picture above brought all this to mind.  I have passed by many times on my way between Ballinascarthy and Pedlar’s cross.  It is a sad sight.  Recently I had a bit of time to spare before a home visit so I decided to drop in.  There was no one at home although it had been used fairly recently by a chain-smoking tabloid-reading occupant.  I could have gone upstairs but I didn’t want to, I felt like I was trespassing.  I couldn’t help but feel sad for the person who had lived here last, who had poured so much of their life into this place, in keeping it clean, in decorating, in tending the garden.  I thought of the long gone days when the steam train would have been visible on the old railway behind the house; the white puffs of steam and jolly passengers making their way to or from West Cork.  I could almost hear the echoes of voices, calling from the kitchen that dinner was ready or the sound of laughter as children played in the garden (if they ever did I don’t know).  The tall trees stand like silent spectators all around. If they could, I wonder what story they would tell?

Everything that we take for granted every day is just so temporary, so transient that we would do well and wisely not to cling on to it too tightly.  Thank God that our home prepared by Jesus in the next life is a home that is permanent and where ‘moth and rust’ do not destroy and where thieves do not ‘break in and steal’ (Matt.6:19).  We do not deserve this home but we have a God who specialises in Grace – undeserved favour.   

Follow me!

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 35mm f2.8, Ilford FP4 plus, (developed in Ilfosol 3, 6 mins @ 24^o)

We had great fun watching this mother duck and her ducklings (all twelve of them) make their way from a stream then across a road and finally into the lake at Fota recently.  At the first attempt the mother just hopped out and charged off and then realised that there were no little ones following her.  They were left stranded because the bank was too high for them to jump up.  So the mother duck had to go back and lead them to a place further down stream where they could climb / hop out.  Then they made their procession towards the lake as you see in the picture.  I wonder how many of these twelve cute fluffy ducklings will survive to adulthood - I expect they make a fine lunch for several different predators?

Following is not always easy but we have the perfect Leader who looks after us in ways beyond our understanding and will ultimately lead us to our final destination.  Of course we can choose to go off on our own way but that is a path where we lead ourselves to certain death.  Thankfully Jesus comes looking for us and longs to bring us back into the fold (getting into a knot of mixed metaphors here)!  But He will never force us against our will, we have to be willing to follow Him knowing that it really is the only sensible option, but more than that, it is the way to the fullness of life and love and joy and peace and forgiveness...

Mange Tout

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 35mm (with yellow filter), Ilford FP4 plus, (pushed to ISO 400 in Ilfosol 3)

My better half has created the wonderful beginnings of a vegetable plot in a small area of the garden by the back door.  There are potatoes, cabbages, raspberries, strawberries, lettuces, radishes, a few other things that I'm not sure of and one of our favourites, Mange Tout.  (Since the above photo was taken they have grown quite a bit and are now supported by a clever arrangement of canes and string.)

When I was at school there was a strange sort of limbo time after all our A-level exams and before the end of term.  The boarding school was in the middle of nowhere in the Suffolk countryside and there was not a whole lot to do.  Someone had the bright idea that we could go and earn some money on a local farm, so off we went  cycling five miles or so to a farm that needed people to pick the crop of Mange Tout.  It was back-breaking work, it was baking hot but all quite good fun.  I'll never forget the first day, we were surrounded by all sorts of interesting people from many different places who had very little English but could pick Mange Tout so fast their hands were just a blur.  I was quite proud of my several basketfuls and was convinced that my hard labour would earn me a small fortune.  As the day was coming to an end we were paid - I got seven pounds!  On the cycle back to school we stopped off at a pub, bought a meal and a drink and had about twenty pence left over.  But what happy times they were. 

Carmarthenshire

The Beach at Amroth

Olympus OM-1, G. Zuiko 35mm, Ilford FP4 plus (pushed to ISO 400)

Aberaeron

Olympus OM-1, G. Zuiko 35mm, Ilford FP4 plus (pushed to ISO 400)

It's probably the Welsh blood in my veins but there is just something about the Carmarthenshire coast.  It's not especially spectacular when compared to say the West Coasts of Ireland or Scotland but it has its very own beauty.  The beach rambler would never tire of the sheer variety of coastline, vast sandy beaches, small rocky coves, cliffs and dunes, the abundant wildlife (and even the good ol' tacky amusement arcade here and there).  Many childhood memories are brought to mind in these places - lemonade in glass bottles, sandwiches with more sand in them than ham or cheese, Granddad with a knotted handkerchief on his head, huddled in a bus shelter in the rain whilst eating salty chips, my grandparents Morris Minor. Ah yes what a wonderful place and what special memories.

Now as we occasionally get to travel across we witness a new generation of grandchildren accumulating wonderful memories, as plentiful as the shells gathered into their seaside buckets.  The world might be a slightly different place - lemonade is now called different things and comes in a plastic bottle, chips no longer come packaged in yesterdays newspaper and many other changes which on their own are tiny but when put together represent a subtly different world.  The new generation of Grandparents though are just the same, just as loving and doting and instrumental in passing on to their grandchildren that love and kindness which will still be there when their turn comes, as it surely will, when they will watch their own grandchildren run about in frenzied joy in a world that is the same but different.

Leaving a mark

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 35mm, Ilford HP5 plus @ 400 ISO

Two small boys and a muddy flower bed = hand prints on the side of the house!

We all leave a mark of some kind.  Perhaps in the context of history, the mark that we leave is about as permanent as these muddy hand prints, soon washed away and forgotten about.  Perhaps our names will be looked up and placed in a family tree by our distant descendants.  In the corridors of eternity our presence must be no more than a transitory echo, the whole sum of our existence and efforts no more permanent than the blinking of an eye.

And yet

We do matter and we do have a permanent and real and significant place not only here and now, but always.  These are some words of Jesus (speaking about His followers) from this mornings Gospel:

I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

(John 10:28)

Death is more of a beginning than it is an ending and as our Psalm reminds us this morning (Psalm 23), He is there with us not only in life, but in death too:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  

(Psalm 23:4)

It was THIS big!

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm, Ilford HP5 plus, 400 ISO

Of course I have no idea what the conversation was between this faraway couple, but it may have been something along the lines of the above title post.  In the picture they are dwarfed by the expanse of sky above them, the vastness of the sea on one side and the dark rocks on the other.  Without getting too existential about it all, it makes me think of the smallness of us people.  We have all been given a humble reminder these past few days by a certain volcano with an unpronouceable name of just how powerless and small we all are in the grand scheme of things.  But then I listen to our two-year-old singing "My God is so Big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing that he cannot do!"  Yes we may be small, but we do matter to Someone, very much indeed...

Out of Season

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Fujifilm Sensia 100

The postman delivered some slides yesterday of pictures that I took last October (I only got round to posting them a couple of weeks ago). Included were a few autumnal shots and one that mad me sad, a picture of our cat 'Sticky' (along with 'Charlie' the kitten) taken just a couple of days before he died.

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Fujifilm Sensia 100

It's funny how pictures bring back to life old memories. The moment you press the shutter release a moment in time is forever captured - for better or worse. I was speaking with someone who lost their elderly mother recently and of the emotions that looking at old pictures brought. There is something uniquely special at looking at pictures of old family members, your parents or grandparents when they were children. Moments in time captured on a thin square of film.

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Fujifilm Sensia 100

What photos that we have taken will be looked at by our decedents in a hundred years from now...?

Some thoughts on HP5 plus

(Waffle warning: Only read if you have a nerdy interest in photography :-)

Woods near Castlefreke, Co. Cork
Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Ilford HP5 plus (ISO 400) (click to enlarge)

One of the joys of using film cameras is that you get to experiment with lots of different films. I think it takes at least a few rolls of a film to get a feel for it and see what its strengths and weaknesses are. For my first foray into developing black and white film at home I bought a packet of ten x 36 exposures of Ilford's HP5 plus. Rated at ISO 400, it's quite a 'fast' film, which means that it is quite grainy and not as smooth as others. The advantage of the high ISO does enable faster shutter speeds and/or smaller apertures. This makes it great for taking pictures of fast moving children, indoor shots, or where you need maximum depth of field at hand-held shutter speeds.

Fallen Tree, Castlefreke Woods
Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Ilford HP5 plus (ISO 400) (click to enlarge)

The Big But though is that it does tend to result in pictures that lack the detail of something a bit slower, such as Ilford's FP4 plus, (or of course a picture from a digital SLR).

View towards Long Strand, Co. Cork
Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Ilford HP5 plus (ISO 400) (click to enlarge)

So while I have been very pleased with portrait pictures using this film, the landscapes have been lacking in detail. So although I have four rolls left (which I will use at some point), I have ordered something a bit different to experiment with. Unfortunately they were sold out of FP4 plus so I found a compromise, Delta 400. I'm sure it is not going to be perfect but it is supposed to have much finer grain than HP5 (though it will almost certainly be harder to expose and develop). We'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I am really enjoying photography with film at the moment - I am not turning my back on digital it's just nice to have a bit more of a challenge...

Approaching Storm, Co. Cork
Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Ilford HP5 plus (ISO 400) (click to enlarge)

Return to Galley Head

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Ilford HP5 plus (ISO 400) (click to enlarge)

Ah yes, we've been here before. What a beautiful spot it is. When we first visited last April, we had no idea that we would be living nearby less than a year later. God does indeed move in mysterious ways (and even more so if the Church of Ireland has anything to do with it ; - )

I'm constantly amazed by my old Olympus OM-1. For a camera and lens that are nearly 40 years old (and still running on the original mercury battery), it remains working remarkably well. There is something very satisfying in developing the negatives too, seeing them hanging up to dry in the bathroom is much more fun than fiddling with them on the computer.

For more info. on Galley Head here is a Wikipedia article.

Waiting for Salvation

High Cross in Castlefreke Woods, Co. Cork
Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Ilford HP5 plus (ISO 400)

Sermon for Today. Luke 2:22-40.

What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait for something? Maybe we have waited a long time in a queue to buy something we really wanted, maybe we have waited a long time to receive a letter, perhaps with good news in it. Maybe we were sick and we had to wait a long time to get better. Maybe we had to wait a long time for someone to return who had gone away. Life is full of waiting and some of us are better at it than others. In today’s reading from Luke chapter 2 we come across the joy of a man and a woman who had waited their whole lives for something and now finally in their old age it had happened.

Joseph and Mary were bringing the baby Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem. In Jewish life there were three ceremonies that occurred after a child was born. If it was a boy the first of these was circumcision, which happened on the eighth day after birth. This act symbolised the Jews’ separation from Gentiles and their unique relationship with God, it was a time of joy when friends and family members celebrated the baby’s becoming part of God’s covenant nation, (not unlike our baptism of infants in the church today). The second ceremony was the “Redemption of the firstborn”. A firstborn son was presented to God one month after birth. The ceremony included buying back or redeeming the child from God through an offering. The point of this was for the parents to acknowledge that the child belonged to God, who alone has the power to give life. The third ceremony was the "Purification of the mother". For forty days after the birth of a son and eighty days after the birth of a daughter, the mother was ceremonially unclean and could not enter the temple. At the end of this time, the parents were to bring a lamb for a burnt offering and a dove or a pigeon for a sin offering. The priest would sacrifice these animals and declare the mother to be clean. If a lamb was too expensive, the parents could bring a second dove or pigeon instead. This is what Mary and Joseph did.

So there are Mary and Joseph, with Jesus at the Temple, for Mary’s purification, when they come across an old man called Simeon. Simeon had been waiting for many years for this day. God had made a promise to Simeon that he would not die before he had seen Christ, the Messiah, the Saviour. Simeon was now old, but he had never lost hope. He had nurtured a vision for years, perhaps wondering at times if it was just a dream or wishful thinking. Then one day, he lifts up his eyes in the Temple, he sees a young couple with a baby, and no longer doubts, but knows in his heart that what God said would happen is indeed happening.

Luke tells us that Simeon is both righteous and devout. He is a good man, he lives his life is such a way as would be a good example to all and he is totally committed to God in his heart, mind, soul and strength.

We are told that Simeon was waiting for “the consolation of Israel” (v.25), a strange phrase, what does it mean? In the Message translation, this phrase reads that Simeon was a man who “lived in the prayerful expectancy of help for Israel”. Things were really not that great for the people of Israel at this time. Thanks to the Romans, they had lost their political independence, (though King Herod was still allowed to reign over them in cruelty). Thanks to the scribes and the Pharisees, the Jewish religion had become more about outward show and religious ritual than an internal change of heart. Yet there were godly men and women like Simeon, Anna and many more who were eagerly waiting for God to come and rescue them. Simeon knew that time had come as soon as he saw Jesus.

Simeon takes the child Jesus in his arms and utters his timeless words, inspired by the Holy Spirit and known to many as the Nunc Dimittis (the first words of the Latin translation):

‘Master, now you are dismissing your servant in peace,
according to your word;
for my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel.’

Simeon’s heart is flooded with thanksgiving and praise. He thanks God for what this child means to him personally and for what it means for all people, both Jew and for Gentile. As far as Simeon is concerned, he is ready to die because that which he has longed for for many years has come to pass. The saviour is here and he has seen and held Salvation in his arms!

Simeon declares that Jesus is a “Light for revelation to the Gentiles”. Now to those who had no knowledge of God, who were living in darkness, the Light of Salvation has come. Jesus also brings “glory” to Israel because they above all nations were the ones chosen by God for the purpose of spreading the true religion among the nations of the world and selected to be the people among whom the Christ would be born.

What Simeon said about Jesus amazed Joseph and Mary. Of course the angel Gabriel and the Shepherds had previously said wonderful things about this child, but these earlier messages did not include anything so specific about the significance of this child for both Gentiles and Israel.

Simeon then prays a prayer of blessing over Mary and Joseph and says something to Mary that must not have been too easy for them to hear:

‘This child is destined for the falling and the rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be opposed so that the inner thoughts of many will be revealed—and a sword will pierce your own soul too.’

When people encountered Jesus, there would be no sitting on the fence. He would be the great divider, as William Hendriksen puts it, “a person’s relation or attitude towards Jesus would be absolutely decisive of his eternal destiny.”(William Hendriksen, The Gospel of Luke, Banner of Truth Trust, 1978, p.170)

Where we will exist in eternity is 100% determined by our attitude towards Jesus, he is after all the way, the truth and the life, and no one can come to the Father except by Him (John 14).

I’m sure that Mary in particular would have come back to Simeon’s words many times over the course of her life. In the moment of her deepest agony, when Jesus hung on the cross these words would have provided a measure of comfort that in fact God was in control and it was indeed part of His great plan for the Salvation of all who would come to Him in repentance and faith. Of course, upon Jesus’ resurrection these words would have led to an even greater strengthening of Mary’s faith as her heart was filled with joy and worship.

Our reading concludes with a short piece about Anna, an elderly widow and prophet. She had practically lived at the temple for many years, fasting and praying night and day. Like Simeon she had waited and waited and waited for God to do something. She had not given up hope, she had prayed and fasted and then one day she saw the answer to her prayer and suddenly her heart was filled with praise. Imagine her joy as she watches the scene with Simeon holding Jesus aloft and uttering those famous words. Anna is filled with gratitude to God and she cannot help talking about it.

Simeon and Anna and many others had to wait a long time for Jesus to come. When He did come they recognised Him immediately and their lives were never the same again. The good news is that we don’t have to wait, Jesus is alive and through the presence of the Holy Spirit He is here with us now. Like Anna, like Simeon it is important that we recognise Him, that we worship Him and that we acknowledge Him as our Lord and our Saviour, our master and our God. One of the names by which Jesus is known in the Bible is Emmanuel, which means 'God with us'. We do not have a far away remote god, we have a God who is intimately present at every moment, who understands and knows us, who ‘perceives our thoughts from afar’ and who ‘knit us together in our mothers womb’ (Psalm 139).

Do you know Jesus? Is He the most important Person in your life? Do you acknowledge Him as your Lord and your Saviour? Now is not the time for waiting, now is the time for receiving Him. Amen.

Developing

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Ilford HP5 Plus ISO 400, Ilfotec DD-X: 9 minutes @ 20°C

Yesterday I finally managed to develop my first black and white film. This has been an ambition of mine ever since I was given an SLR for Christmas in 1985! It wasn't that difficult really, just a few instructions to follow, mixing the various chemicals correctly and at the right temperature and making sure that the development time was exactly 9 minutes and that was that. The one big mistake I made was in trying to dry the negatives I scratched them quite badly with what I thought was a very soft cloth. I'm looking forward to doing the next roll of film which hopefully will have some nice pictures of the recent snow on it.

Kodachrome

Nikon D70s, f4.5, 1/60 sec, ISO 200, 82mm equivalent

Nikon D70s, f4.2 1/40 sec, ISO 200, 57mm equivalent

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm

Olympus OM-1, G.Zuiko 50mm

June 22 was a sad day for many photographers, for it was the day that Kodak announced the "Discontinuation" of Kodachrome - perhaps the most famous slide film of all and which had been in production since 1935!

Fortuitously , just a couple of weeks earlier I had bought a roll of it to try. The results came back in the post today from Dwayne's Photo lab in Kansas, U.S.A., via Switzerland - the only lab left in the world that does the tricky job of processing the stuff.

I have to say that from an amateur photographer's viewpoint it's hard to work with. You have to get the exposure spot on, there's not the tolerance that you'd get in a normal print film. But when you do get it right the colour, sharpness, detail and dynamic range are far greater than my digital camera can come up with.

So long Kodachrome, I'm sure that many of your slides will last a lot longer than the hard drives, C.D.'s and flash drives that most of our photos are stored on these days...

Red in tooth and claw

Camera: Olympus OM-1, Lens: G.Zuiko 50mm f1.4, Film: Fujicolor Reala 100

“Nature, red in tooth and claw.” I don’t know how I feel when our cat does this sort of thing. I wish he would just kill the mouse quickly and eat it, the whole playing with it first and teasing it and then letting it escape to run after it some more is to me a little too cruel…

But then that’s life and that’s nature in this fallen world in which we live. The Bible shows us that this was neither how it was in the beginning nor how it will be at the end:

The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the hole of the cobra, and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.
(Isaiah 11:6-9)

Yes there’s probably a healthy dose of metaphor in those words but the clearer meaning is the most obvious one i.e. that when God makes a ‘new heaven and earth’ there will be a return to how things were meant to be before the fall….